The Finish Line

Three weeks till I am officially done with my last class that will mark the end of my bachelor's degree. I am looking forward to that moment, but until then, I have lots of work to do. It seems like everyone always waits till the last minute to pile on the load, and it doesn't really help when I am trying to break my horrible habit of procrastinating. Whatever. I'm over it. Bring it on, baby. I'll be done with you soon enough. The finish line is in sight and attainable. Nothing is getting in the way of me going out with a bang.

Last week was an interesting one, to say the least. Shifts in the weather, school, my heart are all in the mix. Basically I had a break down midweek, but thankfully I have great Christian friends who support me and love me and help carry me through times like these, even if we are an ocean and half a continent away from each other. Love has no bounds, love always finds a way. It's getting cold out, the rain is coming, and the wind is blowing fiercer than I've ever experienced. Somehow, the thought of friends and love and the holidays warm me up enough that I can manage the change in the climate. I have been missing my friends a lot lately, I miss being around people who know me and love me and push me to be better.I am looking forward to sitting next to a warm fire, drinking hot chocolate, and having a good conversation with a friend. Then I will be content.

I watched Queen Victoria with a friend on Friday night, and we both cried. The affinity between Albert and Victoria was so strong and so real, it was beautiful. Albert risks his life to save his beloved, and survives. Victoria then asks him why he did it. Albert replies, "You are my whole existence." Who doesn't desire a love like that? I also saw The Royal Ballet perform Sleeping Beauty, which was a privilege and a treat. It reminded me of what I am striving for as a dancer: the honor of getting to perform. Just goes to prove we still need fairy tales, make believe and true stories, to bring us hope and faith in people.

School went well last week, although my temporary break down exhausted me to the point where I just needed to rest and find comfort in sleep. It also put me a little farther behind in my studies than I had hoped (I guess procrastinating isn't just a habit for me). I had two more big breakthroughs in my technique classes and I am fighting really hard to maintain them and make them a part of me. Aristotle once said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act--but a habit." So I guess not all habits are bad... Some company members from the Akram Khan Company came in to do a workshop for my choreography class. I had high expectations since this dance company is like the Bill T. Jones of Britain, but unfortunately it wasn't all I had hoped it would be, but it was an experience. I never knew I could learn to move like a monkey's nervous system, that's for sure. We do some crazy stuff in modern, not always by choice may I add. It definitely stretches the imagination.

Aside from my daily happenings, a part of me is just patiently waiting till I get on a plane to come back to the states. There really is no place like home. I'm excited for what God has planned next for me. I'm ready for a new adventure.

Wicked High

Now I'm getting somewhere. I am currently going through one of those seasons where I know I'm making progress, but I can't necessarily see it or feel it. Sometimes I worry that I am falling away from God, but I am learning to praise Him and glorify Him in all situations. My circumstances do not dictate my relationship with Christ. I know He has reason and purpose for this experience, and as long as He knows, I don't need to. I trust that in His timing, all will be revealed. He does have a way of waiting till the last minute though...

I am also going through changes as a dancer. I know my tutors recognize the process I am journeying on, and perhaps they can see the place I have come from and the path that has lead me to where I am now. I have been relying on them to remind me of how far I've come and praising me for the progress I've made. From a satisfying look, to a brush on the shoulder, it all counts. Those are the moments I feel real.

This past week was difficult for me, after having a week off from technique class. I found myself being asked to be present and give all of me to moments in class, from teachers I respect and care about making proud. Even though my body and mind wanted to give up, I pushed myself to do what was asked of me...and it worked. Now that's what I call passion. But even though it was rewarding, my soul could not seem to soak up the benefits. We'll see if I can integrate what I have learned in to my being this upcoming week.

I also performed my solo in choreography, felt good about it, and got good feedback. I had the privilege of witnessing my peers perform their solos, and I felt blessed. I reaped many corrections and constructive criticism in my classes, and had a huge breakthrough in ballet. My teacher was pleased, and I give her all the credit for my success. There is a hole in my life that needs to be filled. What is it? Am I lacking passion? Direction? Desire? It's like now that I have everything I've wanted in my education, I am questioning if it's what I really want. I am getting along with this void for now, but I don't know how much longer I will last. Maybe I just miss home and my friends, and my guitar. Needless to say, I am looking forward to graduation.

The absolute high of my week was watching the Broadway production of Wicked. I was truly entertained, moved, and inspired. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to be on stage, changing the hearts of millions came rushing back. Musical theater definitely has a special place in my life and I want to start nurturing it. One day, I hope to be heavily involved in a musical production. It's important for me to voice this, my desires, because it makes it more real and perhaps more tangible too.

My week also included the celebration of a flatmate's birthday at a fancy Indian restaurant and remembering the 5th of November...till two in the morning on a school night. It was like the 4th of July in Autumn with Christmas decorations. I also walked around the British Museum and the Tate Modern, where I got to feast my eyes on less well-known Picasso's, Dali's, and original Japanese woodblock prints to name a few, as well as ancient objects preserved from all over the world (the kinds of things you only see in movies such as Tomb Raider and National Treasure). I'm not really a museum person, but when you are living in a place enveloping history, your curiosity gets the best of you (aka I went just to be able to say I've been there). I also ventured in to Hamley's, the world's largest toy store. I was impressed, but left empty handed. My study abroad program took us on a day trip to Leamington Spa and Warwick Castle on Saturday. The castle was really interesting to see, since it is a legitimate medieval castle still standing in Britain. Our tour guide was something else as well. My brain is currently on overload from the all the random facts he spouted out at us. I retained a lot of the information though. It was an eventful week to say the least.

So my brain is on fire but my heart is waiting for the flame. They do say patience is a virtue. I just wish I was a star.

Break

The remnants of a Halloween storm sit stagnant on my window pain. I watch the wind blow fiercely through the scattered droplets that skew my view. November is here.

The only celebrating I did for Halloween was eat a cupcake that my flatmate made. Honestly, I forgot that it was even a holiday. The Brits are more in to the trick side of things, rather than the treats, so much more that grocery stores refused to sell flour and eggs to anyone under 18 for the past couple of weeks. Thank God I'm an American and over 18, because I don't think I could go without flour and eggs for that long, nor the lack of freedom to acquire those products. Needless to say, I had a nice evening to myself, which I spent in my room where no trick could possibly reach me (not that I needed to worry about that anyway).

This past week was half term, which means I didn't have class. But don't mistake this to mean I had a break, oh no. I spent more time doing homework throughout the past few days than I have spent this whole semester, and it's only just begun. The good news is I will have two of my finals done and out of the way by this upcoming Tuesday, and only two more official finals to go, which will be nice since I have a feeling the next five weeks of my life are going to fly by, and I will be on a plane coming home before I know it.

I did however squeeze in time to get away this past week (aka made myself take the time). I did a little exploring in the city and saw a couple of shows. Avenue Q was a good laugh, quite vulgar, but funny. Ironically, one of the motifs in the show was about finding your purpose. Of course the character on the road to self discovery never figures out what he was born to do, but he made a valid point that if you focus on helping others you can't help helping yourself. Perhaps through service, I will find where my passion truly lies... I also saw Billy Elliott. Changed my life. Perfect timing. God does answer prayers. I witnessed a very talented young boy dancing while his world was falling apart around him. Dancing is like losing yourself, to feel whole. I was reminded of why I dance, and it brought me to tears...twice. I guess what I need to be reminded of is that childlike wonder and feeling like I can do anything. We all do. We can't help growing up, but we can learn to be free.

I want to be a part of something as inspiring as Billy Elliott. To reach a broad range of people around the world through performance, worthy of a standing ovation. I want to feel the electricity flowing inside of me, and then I'll know I'm free.

In the Marker

It feels like forever since I last blogged. A lot has happened in between then and now. I dove deep in to life these past few days. Let me fill you in...

Choreography seems so be a new focus of mine. This class is really challenging me to go to the edge of myself, and I am loving it. This past week we shared our self portraits with each other. We were open and vulnerable, and known. We shared deeper parts of ourselves with our peers, and I felt connected, closer, not alone. It's only natural for a room full of women to bond in that sort of environment. I don't think there was a dry eye in the studio. It was brilliant, to say the least. Our next challenge is to create solos on ourselves that are embodiments of our self portraits. I plan on investing quite a bit in to this piece, as it will be a physical marker, a place in my life that will represent change and growth. Look for it on facebook.

My study abroad program took a day trip to Stonehenge and Lacock this past weekend. It was rainy and windy while we briskly walked around the blue stones (aka it took us about 20 minutes to ooh and awe and then we were done), but it was worth enduring...once I got some hot cider in my system. The Abbey in Lacock was magnificent. The weather cleared up and the sun appeared, allowing us to enjoy the autumn scenery and the cute little town where Harry Potter was filmed, along with the complimentary sheep (honestly, I think their main purpose is for decoration). It was awesome to see a place preserved to look like old, traditional England. That night, a few of us went out to Nando's for dinner, the best peri-peri chicken in the city. Yum.

On Sunday, I traveled to little Folkestone in Kent to see my dear friend, Jon. It was really nice getting to relax and spend time in the presence of someone who knows me. We went to Jon's church and heard a good sermon on being a finisher for Christ. It really put some things in to perspective for me. The next day, we took a bus in to Canterbury where we did the normal touristy things. Jon introduced me to real Brit chocolate,which I will be stocking up on before I leave the country, and tangfastics. We walked around the oceanside and gazed at the border of France as the sunset. Had some cream tea, and then made squash soup for dinner. It was a short, but good trip. I found fellowship and community there, and I'm really happy for Jon that he's found a home. Good conversation plus good hugs equals happy Sara (they don't hug in Britain, but don't worry, I'm teaching them).

Before my trip to see Jon, I had some one-on-one time with my new Hillsong friend, Eugene. We shared parts of our testimonies with each other and our thoughts on the present life. He helped talk me through the questions that have been bouncing around in my head these past couple of weeks, which I shared with you in my last post, and gave me inspiration for my solo. We all have markers in our lives, places we can look back on and remember how they've changed us. I have realized that I am in a marker right now, I am experiencing the change and growth that I will soon be able to look back on and understand the transformation I have undergone. I have also come to the realization that I want this time in London to be a life-changing experience, and that I want to create as many memories as I can while I am here. So here I go...taking chances, creating opportunities, doing life the way I want to do life.

Questions

I am physically and mentally exhausted from this past week's activities, but my spiritual condition is in good health. Let me fill you in on what went down...

I had some very interesting, thought provoking classes at the beginning of the week. For my choreography class, we got to travel to the National Portrait Gallery for a private lecture on some of the most popular pieces, as well as time to wander. There was a new addition to the gallery, a sculpture that a man had made with his own blood and a mold of his head. The piece has to be refrigerated and is redone every five years. It was fascinating to say the least, and quite the level of commitment on the artist's part. My assignment for this upcoming week is to create my own self-portrait, but don't worry, I won't be drawing any blood, even though I have been reading the Twilight series. Throughout the rest of the week, I had a craving for McDonald's that I had to satisfy. Thursday was my splurge day: went to my one class, ate lunch at McD's and then found a cute coffee shop where I enjoyed scones and tea (a classic brit treat) while I read New Moon. Tea has been my comfort drink here in London, perhaps because it's cheaper and easier to make than coffee. The weather is slowly changing in to the rainy, windy Autumn I had been expecting a while ago. I am loving the transformation of the trees and colors around England, and it's making me excited for the holidays. However, I do not envy my friends who are enduring the freezing temperatures up in Moscow, Idaho. Maybe since winter came early, it will leave early...there is always hope.

Friday afternoon, I left on a bus to the Lake District, which is in Northern England close to Scotland. It took us nine hours to get there and during our pit stop my phone made its way out of my pocket and in to the toilet which left me a tad bit hopeless for a good weekend, but the following experiences were totally worth it. I thought I would have to travel to Ireland to see such beauty as I did when I woke up the next morning and looked out my window. Mountains and lakes, rolling green hills covered with trees and sheep, lined with stone walls surrounded us for miles. Peace and beauty filled my heart and my spirit rose. I went zip lining on a mountain across a river. It was quite the rush. A beautiful view of the land. I also did some coracle building where we built a bowl-shaped raft out of recycled plastic tubes, a tarp, and tape. My team did an excellent job with our structure. It worked! We ended the afternoon by jumping in to the ice cold creek. The hot shower that followed never felt so good. It was definitely an adventure weekend, and what a ride it was.

All these moments, the good and the indifferent, have led me to start questioning my future. Sometimes when I have adventure weekends, I don't feel like I'm in school and instead I fantasize about being a traveler for the rest of my life. Sometimes I forget that I am still working towards a degree and that the end is coming soon. I am enjoying these adventures, and I do enjoy Laban and all that I'm learning. But what happens when my time is up here? Where do I go? Where does dance fit in to my life? What does God have planned and is it the same as what I think it is? Do I have a dream, a passion so strong for something that I can go out in to the "real world" and make it a reality? A career? Commit my life and time and energy to? And is it dance? Should I be planning ahead? How do I plan when I don't know what my goal is? I am uncertain about what lies ahead, but I am confident that God will lead me. Time is closing in on me, and I am learning to rest in God, to not be busy at heart, and to be at peace with what I know now. The answers will come, my life will serve a greater purpose. God would ruin my plans anyway. I think this time around, I may wing it. If you have any advice, I'm all ears.

To Love Someone is to See the Face of God

It's been a crazy week full of memorable experiences. Last weekend some friends and I traveled to Brighton and walked by the ocean, ate fish n' chips on the pier, and meandered through the shops around town. It was frightfully windy, but well worth the train ride. We found some good gifts and red velvet cupcakes. Yum. Our high spirits from a fun-filled day left us wishing the night wouldn't end. So we found a bar and restaurant on the way home and enjoyed some drinks and live music. At the end of the night, we were the only ones dancing, and I think the musicians appreciated it. MK and I didn't get our fill, so Sunday night we went to a salsa club with some buddies from church and learned some basic steps. Twas an awesome weekend.

Throughout the week I enjoyed getting to know some of my flat mates better by eating and reminiscing together in our cramped kitchen and savoring some gelato while playing Jenga. Experienced some more of the wonderful London rain, which really is wonderful because it's so much more pure here than the acid rain we get in parts of America, and finding more gifts on Portabello Road. I had some epiphanies in my dance classes these past few days, but I suppose, considering I am going to a conservatory, that is expected. I will probably never get used to it though, which is a blessing I think. I've been keeping up with my Moscow church community by listening to their podcasts and reading their beautiful mess stories on the blog. I also attended the Hillsong Conference which was just more of regular Hillsong services, except in a larger venue. Got some good soul food out of it and some sweet worship time. To close the week, a few of my flat mates and I shared some bonding time in the lounge, watching chick flicks and eating popcorn on a rainy night. Pride and Prejudice had us dreaming sweet dreams and inspired us to travel to the district where it was filmed, so I have that to look forward to. Now all that's missing is my prince.

I went and saw Les Miserables this evening. It was a special performance because it was three of the main cast members' last night. The man who played Jean Valjean was phenomenal and is now leaving to play the Phantom, which I would pay good money to see. His voice was so strong and so smooth. I was blown away by some of the characters and others, I was slightly disappointed in. But Les Mis isn't one of my favorite musicals. I knew I would be moved, but I wasn't changed. I did however learn that to love someone is to see the face of God. I've never been in love, nor do I believe anyone has ever truly been in love with me. But, I dreamed a dream...perhaps my Pride and Prejudice trip will bring me love, my musical.

Realities

I always get the crud around this time of year. I fight it as hard as I can, but to no avail... the past few days I have been coughing and sneezing up a storm and I blow my nose every five minutes. I have found that rest, tea, and prayer are great remedies, along with believing you'll beat it. It's never fun when you can't breathe during dance class and your movement is restricted because you don't want to fling your snot and germs all over the people next to you. And although those people happen to be my friends, I would never wish to share a sickness with them. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will be fully recovered.

Last Sunday I thoroughly enjoyed a day in Hyde Park with Emily. We walked in natural beauty and talked about how we felt being three weeks in to our journey. We drank tea and ate caramel waffle cookies while basking in God's sun, reading, doing homework, watching boys play some ultimate frisbee, and listening to soothing music. The pace at which time goes by here allows me to soak up every moment and be still, in awe. I am managing to retain the life I am living and for the first time I can say that that is my reality. I'm learning to be in the moment instead of always looking towards the future or at the past (I am embracing instead of escaping my true feelings).

There are two other realities I would like to share with you that have been put in to motion and are in the midst of happening. First of all, my home girl, Riquel Olander, made history this past week. Her all female dance crew won America's Best Dance Crew a few days ago and had the privilege of dancing on the Ellen show (which has been one of Riqi's dreams). And now this weekend, one of my dearest friends, Jordan Stanley, stars in New York University's show of Kiss of the Spider Woman, taking on the lead role. I read that opening night, last night, was phenomenal. I'm disappointed that I can't be there to watch him literally rise to fame, but knowing that dreams are coming true for people I care about, love, and know is enough for any spirit to be lifted. There is no jealousy here, only pride and support for my friends' successes.

Other experiences this past week included celebrating Ali's birthday by eating a huge, and I mean huge, chocolate cake at lunch, eating dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant, and just making Ali feel special. I participated in a Hillsong connect group and met some interesting, older people, and learned about some of the issues that this particular body of Christ is dealing with. I was stalked by a guy in the underground, but easily lost him by hiding in the sea of people. Don't worry, I'm a pro at dealing with this situation by now. And today I had my first London skype chat with my friend Leanne. It was good to see a familiar face, even if it was on a computer screen.

This weekend, I am looking forward to a new adventure with my girls and some salsa dancing on Sunday night. God is rockin' my world right now, by managing to show me how to live my dream, work hard for what is to come, and still have fun at the same time. That is my present reality, that is my life as of now, and I am loving it. I choose life!