Plans

Being home never felt so real and comfortable....for now. I am enjoying my room, the car, home cooking, and friends, but the honeymoon period is short and a plan for my near future is needed, and fast. I'm afraid of being stuck here, although my need to get away is so great that I don't think even the worst of circumstances could keep me in Twin. When the holidays have past, it's time to move on. I'm already becoming restless.

I just spent a week in New York with my best friend and it felt so natural to be there, with him. We went to Central park and I audited his classes. We ate amazing food and had great conversations. We just did life together and it felt good, like that's where I was supposed to be. I already miss waking up beside him, wearing his sweatshirts, and hearing his roommate singing in the shower in the mornings. I miss eating captain crunch and drinking coffee with him while listening to music from our childhood days. I miss the city, the opportunities, the accessibility... I think I need to move there.

The next two weeks will consist of catching up with friends, celebrating the birth of my Jesus and a new beginning to my life and the world, and research on where to go from here. I will be praying for the desire of my heart to be revealed so I may do something about it. Watch out world, here I come!

Cheers

The time has come. Here I sit, writing my last London blog entry as I pull another all-nighter so I can catch a cab to Heathrow Express at 5 in the morning. You do what you have to do, I guess. It hasn't hit me yet...that I'm leaving...and not coming back after the holidays. More than that, I can't believe I'm done with my Bachelor's degree. 3 and a half years has never been such a journey. I'm a completely different person now than I was when I first started out on this college endeavor. And I'm proud to say I am happy with who I am, where I stand, and what I have accomplished. I have, in a way, come from death to life, and living never felt so good.

I said good-bye to my peers and flat mates tonight. Oddly enough, I didn't cry. I think a part of me will always be here in London and with Laban, and I will definitely be keeping in touch with those who have enriched my life during my stay. I can see myself living in London in the future, but for now, home will be a good place to be. I don't think I'll realize how much I miss London and how much it means to me until I am back in Twin Falls, and out of the picture.

This past week was full of temporary farewells. I got through all my assessments, papers, make up classes, and Christmas shopping. I got to see some of my peers perform, as well as the Transitions Dance Company. And to top it off, I had the privilege of witnessing an all-male cast of Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake. Bourne attended Laban, and this was the first time I have seen his work. It was funny, witty, and elegant all at once. It was interesting to see male partnering, as well as such acting in a ballet. There were moments when the men would breathe together, and it sent chills up my spine. The contortion of the lines was brilliantly choreographed, and I just sat watching in awe. Opening night is always special to be a part of, and the ballet got what it deserved: a standing ovation. Getting to see one of the most famous ballet's in London with a full house was the perfect last performance for me to attend.

Besides Swan Lake, I went to see The Phantom of the Opera for the second time in my life, just on a whim. I was sitting so close that I could see the details of the Phantom's distorted face, as well as the eyes of the actors. The cast was strong, and they carried out their voices throughout the performance. It was well worth the pounds. I am looking forward to the sequel.

I don't regret a thing about how I spent my time here in London. I honestly feel like this is where my life is, and I'm living here, doing life here, and that this is the way things are. But I know I will face a different reality tomorrow when I get on a plane to come back to the states. I am looking forward to the holidays with friends and family, as well as figuring out my next plan of action, but there are things I will definitely miss about London. But the good news is that it will always be here, and now that I have more connections, I have more opportunities.

I think the greatest thing I have learned while being here is that in the end, all that matters is the relationships we make. It doesn't matter through what way we influence as long as we are impacting the lives of those around us. And now that I understand this, I feel as if I can go back to America, and truly wake up and live. Cheers.

Thank, full

I've discovered after a long life of insomnia and the bad habit of pulling all-nighters will eventually catch up to you. Yes, that's right. I, Sara Eberlein, can no longer pull a 48 hour day. These past few weeks have been insane, and that is not an overstatement. Tomorrow will be my last official day of class at Laban. And I'm ready. I'm ready to go home to my friends and my family. I'm ready to sleep in my own bed and have a variety in my wardrobe. I'm ready to have a car again, and a sufficient kitchen so I don't have to eat bread and rice every day. I'm ready to make a new plan for my life. But first, saying good-bye and finishing my finals are in order.

The past week and a half has been filled to the brim with tests, homework, tough classes, and tutorials. I've been so busy that I haven't even written in my journal since I last blogged, and that's a big deal. I've done a pretty good job at keeping peace with my heart, but my body and mind are now having a difficult time keeping up. One fitness test, a paper, three tutorials, quite a few assessments, and 3 consecutive sleepless nights later, I am finding myself beyond exhaustion. Man, I'm getting old... ;)

This past weekend set me up for what was to come these past few days. I traveled to Dusseldorf, Germany at four in the morning, taking five different kinds of transportation that took me ten hours to get to where I needed to be. But once I got there, it was totally worth it. I got to spend time with my good friend Michael, who I haven't seen in three years, and we had a great time together, celebrating Thanksgiving with 15 other lovely people...mostly Americans, so that was kind of cool. We made a wild feast. Pretty much everyone contributed somehow, and I felt satisfied. I made some good friends while I was there, and I was very thankful to be surrounded by such good people. However, I wasn't so welcomed back in to London. Customs told me I didn't have the right documents to be let back in to the country and he almost sent me to immigration. I have a freakin' visa for crying out loud! Oh well, we won't go there. Thank God he finally let me pass. Just in time for me to catch my bus home at midnight to finish some homework before I started the craziest week of my semester.

As my time here has come to a close, I feel as if new things are blossoming just before I leave. Isn't it funny how that happens? I know this isn't good-bye forever. I love this place too much. I have too many ties to not come back. I had a couple raw moments that have resurfaced the question of where do I see dance in my life? My jazz teacher asked our class why we dance. "Why are you here? Why dance? I want passion and hunger, and I don't see it." As soon as she put the question out there, a part of me retracted and I just thought, 'Oh man, don't ask me that. Ask me again in a couple months from now.' What the heck does that mean? I've come to the conclusion that I really don't know what is going to happen or where I'll be next year, but I'm ok with that. I'm keeping my options open. I'm free.

I had an interesting, but brief conversation with one of my peers on the way to school one day. In my choreography class, I had expressed my struggle with integrating my faith with my art. My friend asked me to elaborate. I can't repeat the conversation word for word, but something shifted in my heart. She basically reminded me of all the benefits of dancing, and it sort of shed some kind of light on the matter. She told me to look at the people I dance with as patience who are waiting to be helped, nurtured, healed. For a long time, I felt that I was being selfish for dancing, but now I realize that my emphasis doesn't have to be on me. It can be on the people I dance with. And to be honest, I don't know many dancers who are Christians. That fact gave me a lot to think about. I guess I just need to decide when it is appropriate to directly praise God, and when it's necessary to reach others by taking an alternative route. Still gives me lots to think about. In any case, I just want to glorify the Lord, and that's the truth.

Off to Christmas tea with my study abroad program. And then, I think I may just crash.

List of 20

Ok. SO life is getting progressively more crazy, busy, and hectic. The end of the semester is approaching very rapidly and I am doing my best to keep up. However, this means my blog posts will probably have to suffer these next couple of weeks. I trust you understand. In order to still keep you all informed, I am going to give you a top 20 list to sum up my happenings of last week, in no particular order. Here you go!

1) Heaven Song, by Phil Wickham, has been on repeat since the release on the 17th and has resonated with my heart. 2) Jon came in to the city and we got to worship together and walk down the festive street of Oxford with our arms around each other. 3) God sent me comfort through Jon after a little break down. God's so good to me. 3) Wandered around the city with a group of church acquaintances late Sunday night, and never reached a destination. 4) Saw my first tube mice. 5) I was told I have a strong American accent and that it is well loved. 6) Got asked out by a guy who has been creepily watching me this whole time every morning on the train. 7) Another assessment down! Whoop! 8) Went Fair Trade wine tasting with some friends at Vinopolis, and actually fell for a nice red pinotage. 9) Found out I can purchase this wine at the local Sainsbury's grocery store for 5 pounds. 10) Watched My Sister's Keeper with my friend Kristina and had a little heart to heart (I haven't cried that hard since Simon Birch). 10) Trudged through the pouring rain all the way through Hyde Park because Kristina and I were too stupid to skip the tube. 11) Arrived at our destination, wet and miserable. Appreciated a nice cup of hot cocoa. 12) Went to a winter carnival in Hyde Park and road a roller coaster. 13) Had a dinner date with Kristina at a fancy Italian restaurant off Oxford Street, recommended by Jon, called the Pierre Victoire. Delicious. 14) The cutest little black kid said hi as he skipped passed me on my way home from school. It warmed my heart. 15) Went to an Evensong service at St. Paul's Cathedral and heard a boys choir. Couldn't understand a word they were singing, but it was lovely nonetheless. 16) Went to a variety show called La Clique with Blair, where we were very impressed and entertained. 17) Discovered Yeo Valley Greek yogurt with honey. Tis a party in my mouth. 18) Found out a distant friend is studying abroad just south of me, and am planning a visit. 19) ALMOST got in to the premiere of New Moon for free, but that would have required some dishonesty and a sleepless night. 20) 3 weeks to go.

I know that was a mouthful, but the feeling you probably acquired reading this is the same feeling I've had all week; breathless and endless. Life never stops. It just keeps going and going and going...Hope to make time to breathe....soon...

The Finish Line

Three weeks till I am officially done with my last class that will mark the end of my bachelor's degree. I am looking forward to that moment, but until then, I have lots of work to do. It seems like everyone always waits till the last minute to pile on the load, and it doesn't really help when I am trying to break my horrible habit of procrastinating. Whatever. I'm over it. Bring it on, baby. I'll be done with you soon enough. The finish line is in sight and attainable. Nothing is getting in the way of me going out with a bang.

Last week was an interesting one, to say the least. Shifts in the weather, school, my heart are all in the mix. Basically I had a break down midweek, but thankfully I have great Christian friends who support me and love me and help carry me through times like these, even if we are an ocean and half a continent away from each other. Love has no bounds, love always finds a way. It's getting cold out, the rain is coming, and the wind is blowing fiercer than I've ever experienced. Somehow, the thought of friends and love and the holidays warm me up enough that I can manage the change in the climate. I have been missing my friends a lot lately, I miss being around people who know me and love me and push me to be better.I am looking forward to sitting next to a warm fire, drinking hot chocolate, and having a good conversation with a friend. Then I will be content.

I watched Queen Victoria with a friend on Friday night, and we both cried. The affinity between Albert and Victoria was so strong and so real, it was beautiful. Albert risks his life to save his beloved, and survives. Victoria then asks him why he did it. Albert replies, "You are my whole existence." Who doesn't desire a love like that? I also saw The Royal Ballet perform Sleeping Beauty, which was a privilege and a treat. It reminded me of what I am striving for as a dancer: the honor of getting to perform. Just goes to prove we still need fairy tales, make believe and true stories, to bring us hope and faith in people.

School went well last week, although my temporary break down exhausted me to the point where I just needed to rest and find comfort in sleep. It also put me a little farther behind in my studies than I had hoped (I guess procrastinating isn't just a habit for me). I had two more big breakthroughs in my technique classes and I am fighting really hard to maintain them and make them a part of me. Aristotle once said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act--but a habit." So I guess not all habits are bad... Some company members from the Akram Khan Company came in to do a workshop for my choreography class. I had high expectations since this dance company is like the Bill T. Jones of Britain, but unfortunately it wasn't all I had hoped it would be, but it was an experience. I never knew I could learn to move like a monkey's nervous system, that's for sure. We do some crazy stuff in modern, not always by choice may I add. It definitely stretches the imagination.

Aside from my daily happenings, a part of me is just patiently waiting till I get on a plane to come back to the states. There really is no place like home. I'm excited for what God has planned next for me. I'm ready for a new adventure.

Wicked High

Now I'm getting somewhere. I am currently going through one of those seasons where I know I'm making progress, but I can't necessarily see it or feel it. Sometimes I worry that I am falling away from God, but I am learning to praise Him and glorify Him in all situations. My circumstances do not dictate my relationship with Christ. I know He has reason and purpose for this experience, and as long as He knows, I don't need to. I trust that in His timing, all will be revealed. He does have a way of waiting till the last minute though...

I am also going through changes as a dancer. I know my tutors recognize the process I am journeying on, and perhaps they can see the place I have come from and the path that has lead me to where I am now. I have been relying on them to remind me of how far I've come and praising me for the progress I've made. From a satisfying look, to a brush on the shoulder, it all counts. Those are the moments I feel real.

This past week was difficult for me, after having a week off from technique class. I found myself being asked to be present and give all of me to moments in class, from teachers I respect and care about making proud. Even though my body and mind wanted to give up, I pushed myself to do what was asked of me...and it worked. Now that's what I call passion. But even though it was rewarding, my soul could not seem to soak up the benefits. We'll see if I can integrate what I have learned in to my being this upcoming week.

I also performed my solo in choreography, felt good about it, and got good feedback. I had the privilege of witnessing my peers perform their solos, and I felt blessed. I reaped many corrections and constructive criticism in my classes, and had a huge breakthrough in ballet. My teacher was pleased, and I give her all the credit for my success. There is a hole in my life that needs to be filled. What is it? Am I lacking passion? Direction? Desire? It's like now that I have everything I've wanted in my education, I am questioning if it's what I really want. I am getting along with this void for now, but I don't know how much longer I will last. Maybe I just miss home and my friends, and my guitar. Needless to say, I am looking forward to graduation.

The absolute high of my week was watching the Broadway production of Wicked. I was truly entertained, moved, and inspired. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to be on stage, changing the hearts of millions came rushing back. Musical theater definitely has a special place in my life and I want to start nurturing it. One day, I hope to be heavily involved in a musical production. It's important for me to voice this, my desires, because it makes it more real and perhaps more tangible too.

My week also included the celebration of a flatmate's birthday at a fancy Indian restaurant and remembering the 5th of November...till two in the morning on a school night. It was like the 4th of July in Autumn with Christmas decorations. I also walked around the British Museum and the Tate Modern, where I got to feast my eyes on less well-known Picasso's, Dali's, and original Japanese woodblock prints to name a few, as well as ancient objects preserved from all over the world (the kinds of things you only see in movies such as Tomb Raider and National Treasure). I'm not really a museum person, but when you are living in a place enveloping history, your curiosity gets the best of you (aka I went just to be able to say I've been there). I also ventured in to Hamley's, the world's largest toy store. I was impressed, but left empty handed. My study abroad program took us on a day trip to Leamington Spa and Warwick Castle on Saturday. The castle was really interesting to see, since it is a legitimate medieval castle still standing in Britain. Our tour guide was something else as well. My brain is currently on overload from the all the random facts he spouted out at us. I retained a lot of the information though. It was an eventful week to say the least.

So my brain is on fire but my heart is waiting for the flame. They do say patience is a virtue. I just wish I was a star.

Break

The remnants of a Halloween storm sit stagnant on my window pain. I watch the wind blow fiercely through the scattered droplets that skew my view. November is here.

The only celebrating I did for Halloween was eat a cupcake that my flatmate made. Honestly, I forgot that it was even a holiday. The Brits are more in to the trick side of things, rather than the treats, so much more that grocery stores refused to sell flour and eggs to anyone under 18 for the past couple of weeks. Thank God I'm an American and over 18, because I don't think I could go without flour and eggs for that long, nor the lack of freedom to acquire those products. Needless to say, I had a nice evening to myself, which I spent in my room where no trick could possibly reach me (not that I needed to worry about that anyway).

This past week was half term, which means I didn't have class. But don't mistake this to mean I had a break, oh no. I spent more time doing homework throughout the past few days than I have spent this whole semester, and it's only just begun. The good news is I will have two of my finals done and out of the way by this upcoming Tuesday, and only two more official finals to go, which will be nice since I have a feeling the next five weeks of my life are going to fly by, and I will be on a plane coming home before I know it.

I did however squeeze in time to get away this past week (aka made myself take the time). I did a little exploring in the city and saw a couple of shows. Avenue Q was a good laugh, quite vulgar, but funny. Ironically, one of the motifs in the show was about finding your purpose. Of course the character on the road to self discovery never figures out what he was born to do, but he made a valid point that if you focus on helping others you can't help helping yourself. Perhaps through service, I will find where my passion truly lies... I also saw Billy Elliott. Changed my life. Perfect timing. God does answer prayers. I witnessed a very talented young boy dancing while his world was falling apart around him. Dancing is like losing yourself, to feel whole. I was reminded of why I dance, and it brought me to tears...twice. I guess what I need to be reminded of is that childlike wonder and feeling like I can do anything. We all do. We can't help growing up, but we can learn to be free.

I want to be a part of something as inspiring as Billy Elliott. To reach a broad range of people around the world through performance, worthy of a standing ovation. I want to feel the electricity flowing inside of me, and then I'll know I'm free.