I am also going through changes as a dancer. I know my tutors recognize the process I am journeying on, and perhaps they can see the place I have come from and the path that has lead me to where I am now. I have been relying on them to remind me of how far I've come and praising me for the progress I've made. From a satisfying look, to a brush on the shoulder, it all counts. Those are the moments I feel real.
This past week was difficult for me, after having a week off from technique class. I found myself being asked to be present and give all of me to moments in class, from teachers I respect and care about making proud. Even though my body and mind wanted to give up, I pushed myself to do what was asked of me...and it worked. Now that's what I call passion. But even though it was rewarding, my soul could not seem to soak up the benefits. We'll see if I can integrate what I have learned in to my being this upcoming week.
I also performed my solo in choreography, felt good about it, and got good feedback. I had the privilege of witnessing my peers perform their solos, and I felt blessed. I reaped many corrections and constructive criticism in my classes, and had a huge breakthrough in ballet. My teacher was pleased, and I give her all the credit for my success. There is a hole in my life that needs to be filled. What is it? Am I lacking passion? Direction? Desire? It's like now that I have everything I've wanted in my education, I am questioning if it's what I really want. I am getting along with this void for now, but I don't know how much longer I will last. Maybe I just miss home and my friends, and my guitar. Needless to say, I am looking forward to graduation.
The absolute high of my week was watching the Broadway production of Wicked. I was truly entertained, moved, and inspired. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to be on stage, changing the hearts of millions came rushing back. Musical theater definitely has a special place in my life and I want to start nurturing it. One day, I hope to be heavily involved in a musical production. It's important for me to voice this, my desires, because it makes it more real and perhaps more tangible too.
My week also included the celebration of a flatmate's birthday at a fancy Indian restaurant and remembering the 5th of November...till two in the morning on a school night. It was like the 4th of July in Autumn with Christmas decorations. I also walked around the British Museum and the Tate Modern, where I got to feast my eyes on less well-known Picasso's, Dali's, and original Japanese woodblock prints to name a few, as well as ancient objects preserved from all over the world (the kinds of things you only see in movies such as Tomb Raider and National Treasure). I'm not really a museum person, but when you are living in a place enveloping history, your curiosity gets the best of you (aka I went just to be able to say I've been there). I also ventured in to Hamley's, the world's largest toy store. I was impressed, but left empty handed. My study abroad program took us on a day trip to Leamington Spa and Warwick Castle on Saturday. The castle was really interesting to see, since it is a legitimate medieval castle still standing in Britain. Our tour guide was something else as well. My brain is currently on overload from the all the random facts he spouted out at us. I retained a lot of the information though. It was an eventful week to say the least.
So my brain is on fire but my heart is waiting for the flame. They do say patience is a virtue. I just wish I was a star.
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