Plans

Being home never felt so real and comfortable....for now. I am enjoying my room, the car, home cooking, and friends, but the honeymoon period is short and a plan for my near future is needed, and fast. I'm afraid of being stuck here, although my need to get away is so great that I don't think even the worst of circumstances could keep me in Twin. When the holidays have past, it's time to move on. I'm already becoming restless.

I just spent a week in New York with my best friend and it felt so natural to be there, with him. We went to Central park and I audited his classes. We ate amazing food and had great conversations. We just did life together and it felt good, like that's where I was supposed to be. I already miss waking up beside him, wearing his sweatshirts, and hearing his roommate singing in the shower in the mornings. I miss eating captain crunch and drinking coffee with him while listening to music from our childhood days. I miss the city, the opportunities, the accessibility... I think I need to move there.

The next two weeks will consist of catching up with friends, celebrating the birth of my Jesus and a new beginning to my life and the world, and research on where to go from here. I will be praying for the desire of my heart to be revealed so I may do something about it. Watch out world, here I come!

Cheers

The time has come. Here I sit, writing my last London blog entry as I pull another all-nighter so I can catch a cab to Heathrow Express at 5 in the morning. You do what you have to do, I guess. It hasn't hit me yet...that I'm leaving...and not coming back after the holidays. More than that, I can't believe I'm done with my Bachelor's degree. 3 and a half years has never been such a journey. I'm a completely different person now than I was when I first started out on this college endeavor. And I'm proud to say I am happy with who I am, where I stand, and what I have accomplished. I have, in a way, come from death to life, and living never felt so good.

I said good-bye to my peers and flat mates tonight. Oddly enough, I didn't cry. I think a part of me will always be here in London and with Laban, and I will definitely be keeping in touch with those who have enriched my life during my stay. I can see myself living in London in the future, but for now, home will be a good place to be. I don't think I'll realize how much I miss London and how much it means to me until I am back in Twin Falls, and out of the picture.

This past week was full of temporary farewells. I got through all my assessments, papers, make up classes, and Christmas shopping. I got to see some of my peers perform, as well as the Transitions Dance Company. And to top it off, I had the privilege of witnessing an all-male cast of Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake. Bourne attended Laban, and this was the first time I have seen his work. It was funny, witty, and elegant all at once. It was interesting to see male partnering, as well as such acting in a ballet. There were moments when the men would breathe together, and it sent chills up my spine. The contortion of the lines was brilliantly choreographed, and I just sat watching in awe. Opening night is always special to be a part of, and the ballet got what it deserved: a standing ovation. Getting to see one of the most famous ballet's in London with a full house was the perfect last performance for me to attend.

Besides Swan Lake, I went to see The Phantom of the Opera for the second time in my life, just on a whim. I was sitting so close that I could see the details of the Phantom's distorted face, as well as the eyes of the actors. The cast was strong, and they carried out their voices throughout the performance. It was well worth the pounds. I am looking forward to the sequel.

I don't regret a thing about how I spent my time here in London. I honestly feel like this is where my life is, and I'm living here, doing life here, and that this is the way things are. But I know I will face a different reality tomorrow when I get on a plane to come back to the states. I am looking forward to the holidays with friends and family, as well as figuring out my next plan of action, but there are things I will definitely miss about London. But the good news is that it will always be here, and now that I have more connections, I have more opportunities.

I think the greatest thing I have learned while being here is that in the end, all that matters is the relationships we make. It doesn't matter through what way we influence as long as we are impacting the lives of those around us. And now that I understand this, I feel as if I can go back to America, and truly wake up and live. Cheers.

Thank, full

I've discovered after a long life of insomnia and the bad habit of pulling all-nighters will eventually catch up to you. Yes, that's right. I, Sara Eberlein, can no longer pull a 48 hour day. These past few weeks have been insane, and that is not an overstatement. Tomorrow will be my last official day of class at Laban. And I'm ready. I'm ready to go home to my friends and my family. I'm ready to sleep in my own bed and have a variety in my wardrobe. I'm ready to have a car again, and a sufficient kitchen so I don't have to eat bread and rice every day. I'm ready to make a new plan for my life. But first, saying good-bye and finishing my finals are in order.

The past week and a half has been filled to the brim with tests, homework, tough classes, and tutorials. I've been so busy that I haven't even written in my journal since I last blogged, and that's a big deal. I've done a pretty good job at keeping peace with my heart, but my body and mind are now having a difficult time keeping up. One fitness test, a paper, three tutorials, quite a few assessments, and 3 consecutive sleepless nights later, I am finding myself beyond exhaustion. Man, I'm getting old... ;)

This past weekend set me up for what was to come these past few days. I traveled to Dusseldorf, Germany at four in the morning, taking five different kinds of transportation that took me ten hours to get to where I needed to be. But once I got there, it was totally worth it. I got to spend time with my good friend Michael, who I haven't seen in three years, and we had a great time together, celebrating Thanksgiving with 15 other lovely people...mostly Americans, so that was kind of cool. We made a wild feast. Pretty much everyone contributed somehow, and I felt satisfied. I made some good friends while I was there, and I was very thankful to be surrounded by such good people. However, I wasn't so welcomed back in to London. Customs told me I didn't have the right documents to be let back in to the country and he almost sent me to immigration. I have a freakin' visa for crying out loud! Oh well, we won't go there. Thank God he finally let me pass. Just in time for me to catch my bus home at midnight to finish some homework before I started the craziest week of my semester.

As my time here has come to a close, I feel as if new things are blossoming just before I leave. Isn't it funny how that happens? I know this isn't good-bye forever. I love this place too much. I have too many ties to not come back. I had a couple raw moments that have resurfaced the question of where do I see dance in my life? My jazz teacher asked our class why we dance. "Why are you here? Why dance? I want passion and hunger, and I don't see it." As soon as she put the question out there, a part of me retracted and I just thought, 'Oh man, don't ask me that. Ask me again in a couple months from now.' What the heck does that mean? I've come to the conclusion that I really don't know what is going to happen or where I'll be next year, but I'm ok with that. I'm keeping my options open. I'm free.

I had an interesting, but brief conversation with one of my peers on the way to school one day. In my choreography class, I had expressed my struggle with integrating my faith with my art. My friend asked me to elaborate. I can't repeat the conversation word for word, but something shifted in my heart. She basically reminded me of all the benefits of dancing, and it sort of shed some kind of light on the matter. She told me to look at the people I dance with as patience who are waiting to be helped, nurtured, healed. For a long time, I felt that I was being selfish for dancing, but now I realize that my emphasis doesn't have to be on me. It can be on the people I dance with. And to be honest, I don't know many dancers who are Christians. That fact gave me a lot to think about. I guess I just need to decide when it is appropriate to directly praise God, and when it's necessary to reach others by taking an alternative route. Still gives me lots to think about. In any case, I just want to glorify the Lord, and that's the truth.

Off to Christmas tea with my study abroad program. And then, I think I may just crash.