Faithful

Every night as I fall asleep, I feel the earth shake as a subway passes by underground. And every time, that unsettling feeling reminds me of just how unstable and fragile life is. The more uncertainties I face, the more absurd the idea of life without God sounds to me. Everything around us is constantly in motion, even if we cannot see it with our naked eye. That is why only in the stillness can we hear God. The more I observe and experience this world and the people around me, the more certain I am of a higher power, of my higher power. No one is strong enough nor made to do life alone. We are wonderfully and fearfully made. We were designed to need a savior.

Lately I've been reading inspirational novels such as The power of Now, A New Earth, The Tao of Pooh, The Alchemist, and The Book of Flying. I've learned a lot through their insights, both things I agree with and things I don't agree with. They say that the answers, nothingness and simplicity, can be found within ourselves. That true happiness comes from within. They say that death is the way to life. And in a way I agree, but if we are to die and be rid of self in order to just be, that leaves us as just a part of creation, which leads back to God. And if being is not about us, as in you or me, then it must be about something or someone else, which also points to God. Moral of the story: it's not about me or you, it's about something bigger. Everything is connected. Everything is for the glory of God.

It's no coincidence that all of these novels came during this transitional stage in my life. They keep reinforcing what God wants me to learn at the moment, even though all this new information raises more questions and causes some confusion. But if I strip away all the details and emotional junk, the lesson is simply this: God is with me, and I am here for a purpose. He has a custom-made plan for me, it is already in motion, and nothing can stop me from fulfilling his will. God is faithful and the only solidity I truly have and know.

I am blessed that it's not about me. I am blessed that I do not have to create and guess my own destiny. I appreciate and embrace fully what is and what I have. God will use me, because he is within me.

Concrete Jungle

New adventure means new blog. I did it. I'm here, in New York City. Living in Manhattan's East Village where I have already enjoyed a bowl of ramen noodle, a true starving artist's comfort food. It feels strange, and yet so familiar...

After five months of living at home, working in a snack shack at a golf course at minimum wage just to save every penny, brushing up on my voice, acting, and stunts, I have made the grand move to the big apple. I have no set plan, which means anything can happen. It's frightening and liberating at the same time. So far I've enjoyed hanging out with Jordan and his friends at Central Park over Memorial weekend, where I sat in the sun and observed a diverse sea of people congregate to one location for one general reason. Although I would like to say that reason was to remember those who have made a difference in our lives and our country, more so I would say no one who lives the New Yorker lifestyle could resist a beautiful day and a chance to get away. Honestly, what I experienced while sitting still in the middle of this island dismissed all the stereotypes I had about this city and it's people. People were playing with there kids and dogs, hanging out with friends, meditating, throwing frisbees, and relaxing as if time didn't exist. There was music and laughter and dancing. There was a peace in the space we shared, and a peace within me. I soaked up the moments, afraid that the feeling I was eminating and receiving would quickly fade away and be forgotten like the breeze. But I will not be quick to forget, for those moments defined my existence here. I was present, and in that presence there was joy and peace and confidence burning within me. It felt good to be alive and well, to just exist and be. And that's when I truly believed I could do life here.

I've been reading this book called The Power of Now, and subconsciously it has changed me more than I could admit before I began to embrace it and live it out. This wisdom and truth couldn't have come to me during a better time. I am in a major transition right now, but even more so, I am experiencing internal change. It's crazy to think that from here on out, my life is my choice. There are no limits, only limitless options. I truly believe that God has a bigger plan for me here than I have for myself. This journey and change is going to be better than anything I had hoped for. And even though I'm still figuring things out, I'm stoked and ready to start taking risks to get this ball rolling. I don't think this chapter in my life could have begun any other way, and what an awesome way to begin.

The moral of the story is that greenery does exist in Manhattan, open spaces do exist in Manhattan, a passionate, humanistic spirit lives in Manhattan, and there is in deed a place, a need, and a future for me in Manhattan.

"When the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in You, still standing. When the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees, when time and space are through, I'll be found in You." -Brooke Fraser