23

Well, here I am...almost a year later sitting in yet another temporary apartment drinking tea on a cloudy Easter Sunday as I write. My life has drastically changed since Manhattan. The view is different, my situation is different, my faith is different. So much has happened and by default, all I really have to document the changes are my memories of my experiences. Being a faithful journalist for the past couple of years has taught me some interesting aspects of how I operate. I purposefully stopped writing everyday so I could channel my energy in to other mediums and outlets, and to experiment with the focus of getting out of my mind and in to the present. It's been a long while since I've physically written out a blog, a journal entry, or a prayer for that matter, and now returning to this form of expression after a long absence, I find the experience of letting my thoughts out on paper or screen to be a breath of fresh air for the right side of my brain. I believe that there has been a change of heart in my creative process of writing, and in general for that matter, that has been manifested by the break.

It would take months to explain everything that has happened in between cities, so I will just pick up where I am at now. I recently celebrated my 23rd birthday in Los Angeles where I currently reside. I started out my day by sleeping in, which has been a rare occasion since I started working at Starbucks. I stretched before I got beaten up by a little Asian man who gave me the best deep tissue massage I have ever had, (it hurt so good). Followed by a lovely afternoon at Venice Beach with some girlfriends where we did a little shopping, dining, bonding, and tanning, soaking up the beauty of the day. I then had the best birthday dinner night ever at the Cheesecake Factory with an eclectic group of friends from all different walks of life here in LA. You know it's a good party when your meal becomes communal and you don't have to entertain each individual...and the people are gathered there for you. Needless to say I felt very blessed throughout my day; I felt loved and alive. I ended the night at The Standard with my roommate. And as we stared up at the night sky, high above the city ground, dreaming, soaking up the positive energy of the year to come, I felt a moving peace. I was in preparation for my life to begin while it was already happening, and I barely noticed. I have had a new awakening inside my soul and I am ready to start living. No more hesitation; just do it and keep moving and God will take care of the rest. I do believe 23 is going to be the best year yet for me. I have a new vision, but it's going to take endurance and patience and true belief. Although I remember my friends and I claiming that 2011 was going to be a great year on the new year's eve, I am finding a new flame for that claim. I see a season of joy in my life, no matter what may come. Just as my birthday plans fell in to place, my life will also go with the flow. I know that in this journey, the plans God has for me will be fulfilled, my dreams and desires will be fulfilled, and the important people I am meant to do life with will show up in their rightful seasons. That's what I call success.

I've been in LA for almost nine months now, and I already have new direction, community and fellowship, and a land of opportunity I am dwelling in. I take each day as it comes and I thrive on the unknown, thanks to faith. Today I thank God for redemption and new beginnings. I thank God that we are not meant to do life alone. All that matters in the end are the relationships we make and the people we inspire and as long as I have depth in the areas that matter, everything is worth it. So in the words of one of my favorite artists, Adele, to my people, "You are the wonders of my world."

Faithful

Every night as I fall asleep, I feel the earth shake as a subway passes by underground. And every time, that unsettling feeling reminds me of just how unstable and fragile life is. The more uncertainties I face, the more absurd the idea of life without God sounds to me. Everything around us is constantly in motion, even if we cannot see it with our naked eye. That is why only in the stillness can we hear God. The more I observe and experience this world and the people around me, the more certain I am of a higher power, of my higher power. No one is strong enough nor made to do life alone. We are wonderfully and fearfully made. We were designed to need a savior.

Lately I've been reading inspirational novels such as The power of Now, A New Earth, The Tao of Pooh, The Alchemist, and The Book of Flying. I've learned a lot through their insights, both things I agree with and things I don't agree with. They say that the answers, nothingness and simplicity, can be found within ourselves. That true happiness comes from within. They say that death is the way to life. And in a way I agree, but if we are to die and be rid of self in order to just be, that leaves us as just a part of creation, which leads back to God. And if being is not about us, as in you or me, then it must be about something or someone else, which also points to God. Moral of the story: it's not about me or you, it's about something bigger. Everything is connected. Everything is for the glory of God.

It's no coincidence that all of these novels came during this transitional stage in my life. They keep reinforcing what God wants me to learn at the moment, even though all this new information raises more questions and causes some confusion. But if I strip away all the details and emotional junk, the lesson is simply this: God is with me, and I am here for a purpose. He has a custom-made plan for me, it is already in motion, and nothing can stop me from fulfilling his will. God is faithful and the only solidity I truly have and know.

I am blessed that it's not about me. I am blessed that I do not have to create and guess my own destiny. I appreciate and embrace fully what is and what I have. God will use me, because he is within me.

Concrete Jungle

New adventure means new blog. I did it. I'm here, in New York City. Living in Manhattan's East Village where I have already enjoyed a bowl of ramen noodle, a true starving artist's comfort food. It feels strange, and yet so familiar...

After five months of living at home, working in a snack shack at a golf course at minimum wage just to save every penny, brushing up on my voice, acting, and stunts, I have made the grand move to the big apple. I have no set plan, which means anything can happen. It's frightening and liberating at the same time. So far I've enjoyed hanging out with Jordan and his friends at Central Park over Memorial weekend, where I sat in the sun and observed a diverse sea of people congregate to one location for one general reason. Although I would like to say that reason was to remember those who have made a difference in our lives and our country, more so I would say no one who lives the New Yorker lifestyle could resist a beautiful day and a chance to get away. Honestly, what I experienced while sitting still in the middle of this island dismissed all the stereotypes I had about this city and it's people. People were playing with there kids and dogs, hanging out with friends, meditating, throwing frisbees, and relaxing as if time didn't exist. There was music and laughter and dancing. There was a peace in the space we shared, and a peace within me. I soaked up the moments, afraid that the feeling I was eminating and receiving would quickly fade away and be forgotten like the breeze. But I will not be quick to forget, for those moments defined my existence here. I was present, and in that presence there was joy and peace and confidence burning within me. It felt good to be alive and well, to just exist and be. And that's when I truly believed I could do life here.

I've been reading this book called The Power of Now, and subconsciously it has changed me more than I could admit before I began to embrace it and live it out. This wisdom and truth couldn't have come to me during a better time. I am in a major transition right now, but even more so, I am experiencing internal change. It's crazy to think that from here on out, my life is my choice. There are no limits, only limitless options. I truly believe that God has a bigger plan for me here than I have for myself. This journey and change is going to be better than anything I had hoped for. And even though I'm still figuring things out, I'm stoked and ready to start taking risks to get this ball rolling. I don't think this chapter in my life could have begun any other way, and what an awesome way to begin.

The moral of the story is that greenery does exist in Manhattan, open spaces do exist in Manhattan, a passionate, humanistic spirit lives in Manhattan, and there is in deed a place, a need, and a future for me in Manhattan.

"When the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in You, still standing. When the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees, when time and space are through, I'll be found in You." -Brooke Fraser

Plans

Being home never felt so real and comfortable....for now. I am enjoying my room, the car, home cooking, and friends, but the honeymoon period is short and a plan for my near future is needed, and fast. I'm afraid of being stuck here, although my need to get away is so great that I don't think even the worst of circumstances could keep me in Twin. When the holidays have past, it's time to move on. I'm already becoming restless.

I just spent a week in New York with my best friend and it felt so natural to be there, with him. We went to Central park and I audited his classes. We ate amazing food and had great conversations. We just did life together and it felt good, like that's where I was supposed to be. I already miss waking up beside him, wearing his sweatshirts, and hearing his roommate singing in the shower in the mornings. I miss eating captain crunch and drinking coffee with him while listening to music from our childhood days. I miss the city, the opportunities, the accessibility... I think I need to move there.

The next two weeks will consist of catching up with friends, celebrating the birth of my Jesus and a new beginning to my life and the world, and research on where to go from here. I will be praying for the desire of my heart to be revealed so I may do something about it. Watch out world, here I come!

Cheers

The time has come. Here I sit, writing my last London blog entry as I pull another all-nighter so I can catch a cab to Heathrow Express at 5 in the morning. You do what you have to do, I guess. It hasn't hit me yet...that I'm leaving...and not coming back after the holidays. More than that, I can't believe I'm done with my Bachelor's degree. 3 and a half years has never been such a journey. I'm a completely different person now than I was when I first started out on this college endeavor. And I'm proud to say I am happy with who I am, where I stand, and what I have accomplished. I have, in a way, come from death to life, and living never felt so good.

I said good-bye to my peers and flat mates tonight. Oddly enough, I didn't cry. I think a part of me will always be here in London and with Laban, and I will definitely be keeping in touch with those who have enriched my life during my stay. I can see myself living in London in the future, but for now, home will be a good place to be. I don't think I'll realize how much I miss London and how much it means to me until I am back in Twin Falls, and out of the picture.

This past week was full of temporary farewells. I got through all my assessments, papers, make up classes, and Christmas shopping. I got to see some of my peers perform, as well as the Transitions Dance Company. And to top it off, I had the privilege of witnessing an all-male cast of Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake. Bourne attended Laban, and this was the first time I have seen his work. It was funny, witty, and elegant all at once. It was interesting to see male partnering, as well as such acting in a ballet. There were moments when the men would breathe together, and it sent chills up my spine. The contortion of the lines was brilliantly choreographed, and I just sat watching in awe. Opening night is always special to be a part of, and the ballet got what it deserved: a standing ovation. Getting to see one of the most famous ballet's in London with a full house was the perfect last performance for me to attend.

Besides Swan Lake, I went to see The Phantom of the Opera for the second time in my life, just on a whim. I was sitting so close that I could see the details of the Phantom's distorted face, as well as the eyes of the actors. The cast was strong, and they carried out their voices throughout the performance. It was well worth the pounds. I am looking forward to the sequel.

I don't regret a thing about how I spent my time here in London. I honestly feel like this is where my life is, and I'm living here, doing life here, and that this is the way things are. But I know I will face a different reality tomorrow when I get on a plane to come back to the states. I am looking forward to the holidays with friends and family, as well as figuring out my next plan of action, but there are things I will definitely miss about London. But the good news is that it will always be here, and now that I have more connections, I have more opportunities.

I think the greatest thing I have learned while being here is that in the end, all that matters is the relationships we make. It doesn't matter through what way we influence as long as we are impacting the lives of those around us. And now that I understand this, I feel as if I can go back to America, and truly wake up and live. Cheers.

Thank, full

I've discovered after a long life of insomnia and the bad habit of pulling all-nighters will eventually catch up to you. Yes, that's right. I, Sara Eberlein, can no longer pull a 48 hour day. These past few weeks have been insane, and that is not an overstatement. Tomorrow will be my last official day of class at Laban. And I'm ready. I'm ready to go home to my friends and my family. I'm ready to sleep in my own bed and have a variety in my wardrobe. I'm ready to have a car again, and a sufficient kitchen so I don't have to eat bread and rice every day. I'm ready to make a new plan for my life. But first, saying good-bye and finishing my finals are in order.

The past week and a half has been filled to the brim with tests, homework, tough classes, and tutorials. I've been so busy that I haven't even written in my journal since I last blogged, and that's a big deal. I've done a pretty good job at keeping peace with my heart, but my body and mind are now having a difficult time keeping up. One fitness test, a paper, three tutorials, quite a few assessments, and 3 consecutive sleepless nights later, I am finding myself beyond exhaustion. Man, I'm getting old... ;)

This past weekend set me up for what was to come these past few days. I traveled to Dusseldorf, Germany at four in the morning, taking five different kinds of transportation that took me ten hours to get to where I needed to be. But once I got there, it was totally worth it. I got to spend time with my good friend Michael, who I haven't seen in three years, and we had a great time together, celebrating Thanksgiving with 15 other lovely people...mostly Americans, so that was kind of cool. We made a wild feast. Pretty much everyone contributed somehow, and I felt satisfied. I made some good friends while I was there, and I was very thankful to be surrounded by such good people. However, I wasn't so welcomed back in to London. Customs told me I didn't have the right documents to be let back in to the country and he almost sent me to immigration. I have a freakin' visa for crying out loud! Oh well, we won't go there. Thank God he finally let me pass. Just in time for me to catch my bus home at midnight to finish some homework before I started the craziest week of my semester.

As my time here has come to a close, I feel as if new things are blossoming just before I leave. Isn't it funny how that happens? I know this isn't good-bye forever. I love this place too much. I have too many ties to not come back. I had a couple raw moments that have resurfaced the question of where do I see dance in my life? My jazz teacher asked our class why we dance. "Why are you here? Why dance? I want passion and hunger, and I don't see it." As soon as she put the question out there, a part of me retracted and I just thought, 'Oh man, don't ask me that. Ask me again in a couple months from now.' What the heck does that mean? I've come to the conclusion that I really don't know what is going to happen or where I'll be next year, but I'm ok with that. I'm keeping my options open. I'm free.

I had an interesting, but brief conversation with one of my peers on the way to school one day. In my choreography class, I had expressed my struggle with integrating my faith with my art. My friend asked me to elaborate. I can't repeat the conversation word for word, but something shifted in my heart. She basically reminded me of all the benefits of dancing, and it sort of shed some kind of light on the matter. She told me to look at the people I dance with as patience who are waiting to be helped, nurtured, healed. For a long time, I felt that I was being selfish for dancing, but now I realize that my emphasis doesn't have to be on me. It can be on the people I dance with. And to be honest, I don't know many dancers who are Christians. That fact gave me a lot to think about. I guess I just need to decide when it is appropriate to directly praise God, and when it's necessary to reach others by taking an alternative route. Still gives me lots to think about. In any case, I just want to glorify the Lord, and that's the truth.

Off to Christmas tea with my study abroad program. And then, I think I may just crash.

List of 20

Ok. SO life is getting progressively more crazy, busy, and hectic. The end of the semester is approaching very rapidly and I am doing my best to keep up. However, this means my blog posts will probably have to suffer these next couple of weeks. I trust you understand. In order to still keep you all informed, I am going to give you a top 20 list to sum up my happenings of last week, in no particular order. Here you go!

1) Heaven Song, by Phil Wickham, has been on repeat since the release on the 17th and has resonated with my heart. 2) Jon came in to the city and we got to worship together and walk down the festive street of Oxford with our arms around each other. 3) God sent me comfort through Jon after a little break down. God's so good to me. 3) Wandered around the city with a group of church acquaintances late Sunday night, and never reached a destination. 4) Saw my first tube mice. 5) I was told I have a strong American accent and that it is well loved. 6) Got asked out by a guy who has been creepily watching me this whole time every morning on the train. 7) Another assessment down! Whoop! 8) Went Fair Trade wine tasting with some friends at Vinopolis, and actually fell for a nice red pinotage. 9) Found out I can purchase this wine at the local Sainsbury's grocery store for 5 pounds. 10) Watched My Sister's Keeper with my friend Kristina and had a little heart to heart (I haven't cried that hard since Simon Birch). 10) Trudged through the pouring rain all the way through Hyde Park because Kristina and I were too stupid to skip the tube. 11) Arrived at our destination, wet and miserable. Appreciated a nice cup of hot cocoa. 12) Went to a winter carnival in Hyde Park and road a roller coaster. 13) Had a dinner date with Kristina at a fancy Italian restaurant off Oxford Street, recommended by Jon, called the Pierre Victoire. Delicious. 14) The cutest little black kid said hi as he skipped passed me on my way home from school. It warmed my heart. 15) Went to an Evensong service at St. Paul's Cathedral and heard a boys choir. Couldn't understand a word they were singing, but it was lovely nonetheless. 16) Went to a variety show called La Clique with Blair, where we were very impressed and entertained. 17) Discovered Yeo Valley Greek yogurt with honey. Tis a party in my mouth. 18) Found out a distant friend is studying abroad just south of me, and am planning a visit. 19) ALMOST got in to the premiere of New Moon for free, but that would have required some dishonesty and a sleepless night. 20) 3 weeks to go.

I know that was a mouthful, but the feeling you probably acquired reading this is the same feeling I've had all week; breathless and endless. Life never stops. It just keeps going and going and going...Hope to make time to breathe....soon...